Lessons from Singapore

I’ve just returned from a week in Singapore – a week of sightseeing, Tiger beer, huge walks, blister torture, hawker stalls, Dempsey Hill restaurants, art galleries, exhibition openings  and the dazzle of Orchard Road.

On my visit this time I have learnt a number of new things about Singapore

• ·         6.9 Million is the optimum population limit for the city.

A white paper released during the last weeks has sparked public interest and debate about what this all means for PR’s (Permanent Residents) and whether the import of foreign workers takes away jobs from locals; expansion of the MRT (the rail service), its impact on existing wildlife corridors and why an extra carriage or two added to trains to give additional capacity is an impossibility; golf course closures – whose will be gone by 2030 – the magic target date; up-skilling local workers and enticing older people back in to the workforce. It all sounds so familiar.

The law and foreign affairs minister has ‘urged young people to think hard about the need for economic growth, to create enough good jobs for a rising number of future graduates, and generate the tax revenue needed to support a growing number of elderly people. The Straits Times Feb 4

• ·         You can clean anything with a whisk broom

The city is pristine – no unauthorised weeds, leaves or litter grow, fall, drift or accumulate. There is no real sign of polishing windows and wiping down handprints, but everything sparkles. Occasionally there is a man with a whisk broom who seems to shoot out of the shrubbery like a robo-vacuum cleaner sweeping up offending debris with a typical Asian whisk broom. My guess is that these folk are hidden everywhere on the alert for recalcitrant litter.  Or, to ascribe to my travel mate’s theory, a whole hive of worker bees emerge between 3and 5am and spring clean the city before anyone notices.

• ·         English

The Singaporeans are fluent users of English, but often with a certain archaic quaintness. Boats ‘ply’ their way up the river,  issues ‘spur serious debate’, troublemakers are reported as ‘rogues’ and ‘ring leaders’; and you can still hear the occasional ‘La’ sneak into a conversation.

Charges that one might have laid against one for offensive or illegal conduct include: Outrage of modesty and Insult of modesty.

• ·         Home spun wisdom turns up in unexpected places.

On a boat trip around Singapore you can learn from a young Singaporean deck hand that ‘its not easy to be easy. It’s not difficult to be difficult’

• ·         We are all part of Caesar’s last breath

According to Physics we can assume that the molecules which Caesar exhaled in his last breath have diffused evenly to the whole atmosphere and by Mathematical calculation can determine that  every person breathes in a molecule of that last breath. You can check it out by Googling the topic, but it’s better discussed overlooking the southernmost point of Singapore with a cold Tiger beer in hand. A trip to Sentosa Island is not all glitz and manicured beachfront.

• ·         Everyone is hard wired

Step on to the MRT and 9/10 people are connected to some sort of device: watching movies, playing games, smsing, everything quiet except for the occasional hushed conversation, the announcement of upcoming stations and the perpetual warning to beware of the platform gap. I am reminded of the Educational thinker who on being told by a teacher that students were not engaged replied: Look at them in the playground. They are totally engaged!

• ·         Tips for travel to and from Pulau Ubin

Pulau Urbin is a small island off the Malaysian Coast and is accessed by bumboat which has no scheduled timetable and departs only when there are 12 passengers waiting to board. Upon arrival one is met with a range of signs that advise travellers about their safety including tips to keep monkeys out of your home. I now know that if I do not feed them they will not bother me. I will remember to apply this tip when I get home.

Do not return from Pulau Ubin carrying a knife. When you are scanned by the sentry at the entry point you will be arrested, charged, fined and imprisoned for 8 years. Unless you are one of a group of holy men in white skirts and exposed torso marked with white paint on your face and back. Then you can walk right on through without scanning as you can obviously be trusted.

• ·         Why there is minimal crime

If you are caught making graffiti you will be fined $30 00, caned and imprisoned for 2 years.

If you take flammable liquids on a train you will be fined $5000, smoking gets you a $1000 fine and $500 for eating or drinking on the service. You are absolutely forbidden to take durians on the train – the penalty is not spelt out so I wonder if that is because it is too terrible to articulate.

If you take home a diamond ring that has been accidentally left behind by a traveller at your security station at the airport you will be jailed for two years as you have bought the public service in to disrepute.

If you are on a bus you are prohibited from assaulting the captain.

• ·         The lunar New Year is a big deal

Red and gold decorations were appearing everywhere during my stay in preparation for last night’s New Year celebration. I have learnt that at the celebrations the Prime Minister would play with firecrackers, as only he is allowed – words of our taxi driver.

I also now know that the giving of red packets with crisp unfolded bank notes is essential for good luck, as is a new deep V cleavage obtainable from a local cosmetic surgery outlet.

• ·         The cost of living is over the top

A basic new car will cost in excess of $100 000 and probably closer to $200 000. Apartment sale prices of $11million + were not misprints. $7000 per month is not  excessive for a decent apartment.

But if you do manage to purchase a car ensure that you have a pumpkin, mandarine or cumquat adorning the dashboard so that good luck settles upon you.

• ·         You can fix an overheated motor with a leaf blower, and the world ends at Changi

After a morning’s trek through the rainforest of Pulau Ubin we returned to the mainland and decided to walk from Changi Village along the beach front hoping to arrive at Changi airport. We soon learnt that it is almost impossible to do so unless one has trained with marathon walking for many months and has the water and supplies to last the trip. Two+ hours on, and two+ hours back we should have taken the advice of a local who we asked for directions in the first place. But we saw the amazing coastline and did come across some local workers who were doing restoration footpath work with a machine, that like us, was overheated. They had a leaf blower out cooling it down. We should have stood in line as it obviously worked for the machine. 

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This Week's Art Work

...OK, So, it's some photos taken at the Gardens by the Sea.