I’ve been tolled

 And, now to get your mind off the election and on to things that matter. 

Before you get excited looking at the title of this blog, that’s not a misprint – tolled: Yes, polled: No

A few weeks ago I did a trip to Sydney for a book launch. Now I’m paying for it. 

I go to/ through Sydney intermittently. I have an account with one tolling company that owns Sydney Roads, but obviously not with the 10,000  others that do – OK, I suppose that is an over exaggeration, but if you could see the number of notices that have landed in my mail box since the trip you would understand.

Here’s how the trip went:

 Day 1.

• ·         Canberra to Paddington
• ·         Paddington to the Hills district

Day 2.

• ·         Hills District to Brighton le Sands; and
• ·         Brighton le Sands to Canberra.

 I tried to contact Roam Express via their website the day after the trips to pay my toll.Their billboards said I could. But, either you cannot do it online, or the link is so obscure you need a higher degree in Information Surgery of the cunning of a hacker, to be able to get access.

Anyway, I used the ‘contact us’ button eventually, telling them I was trying to pay my toll, that I could not find any toll owing, and that I did not want to be charged an administration fee if a toll notice turned up thereafter. So, now there are seven separate notices from Roam Express for the two trips – each with a $10 administration fee.

I’ve sent them all back with a cheque for $19:70. That’s what the tolls were!

I failed to realise that Roam Express doesn’t do the tolls for the M5, nor for the Sydney Harbour Tunnel…that belongs to two other someones, so I’m still up for more tolls worth a total of $7:40 with a bill for $20 administration fee..

I don’t mind paying a toll, but I do mind being absolutely ripped off…and don’t get me started on what they do if you forget to pay.

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Art Work of the week
Just a random selection from the gallery today

Coffs Lillies. Acrylic on Canvas.

Media Blockout

I have torn out my fingernails, stapled my eyelids together and stuffed my ears with peanuts, but I can’t keep the static out. I will be so pleased that next week will bring an end to the polling, the speculation, and the endless dissections; if not to the entertainment that will arrive if indeed Tony is let loose and we are ricochet back in time.

Now everyone knows I’m not averse to time travel and that a good TARDIS  could pop up in my front garden anytime it likes – provided of course that it is still being piloted by David Tennant and has Capt’n Jack Harkness on board. I keep looking for the rift in time to appear on my wall, but have to really concede that the crack in the lounge room really means I have to get someone in to look at a mundane problem that will cost me a motza..........................  I’m off the track again.

Oh yes….Back to the Future….but alas, I fear it will be Back to the Past, and I just never looked good in shoulder pads and frizzy hair.

Given it’s election eve, I’m wondering if tomorrow at the ballot box I will get a surprise that some vertically challenged little fellow from a far away northern place has tinkered away at. Oops I hope it’s not another fantasy dinosaur or titanic replica . 

I think I need an escape plan, so it’s off to Norfolk Island for me.

PS: I still haven’t been polled!

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Art work of the week

The tea cosies just keep on coming - at least they will fit in a new retro world

Cumquat juice

Ineligible to vote

So here’s this week’s joke. I get an email asking me to take part in a survey. If I complete it I will earn $1. Ooh I wonder, what might I spend my hard earned dollar on – maybe an onion or a carrot might be nice.  

My answers to the first few questions will determine my eligibility.

I click my residential state, my age, my gender, and get to question 4: What medical conditions do you have? 

 I answer: None of the above.

Result: I am not eligible to take part in the survey. 

And poof, there go my dreams of a fresh new vegetable.

In the meantime I watched the presidential public forum broadcast between Krudd and Blabbot  until my eyeballs popped out and my brain exploded through my ears, and I switched over to Spicks and Specks. At least the answers there were fun and entertaining – as were the questions. And there was no wavy line that went predictably up and down to record whether I liked what I was hearing regardless of whether anyone was actually speaking at the time - or what they said.

I am still befuddled by how you can promise to create more jobs while announcing you will take your trusty little hatchet to the public service where real people, do daily grind, at the behest of politicians and managers with ever-changing new vision and are now told thanks for nothing, you’re just a bludger,  and join the dole queue. Should have got a job at the Cadbury factory.

Equally I wonder if I will get my relationship voucher, given I am not engaged, married, one of a gay couple or in a de facto relationship. And if I do get it, will it pay my rego to a Hash House Harrier event where all my worries fade away with a bit of dribbly conversation, a glass of bubbles, and a load of sheep dung?

At least the magpies are firing at the moment.

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Art Work of the Week

Go you Pie boys!

Tea with Daisy

Pick me, Pick me

I’ve been trying to avoid yet another post about the election. But it just won’t go away.

This week I’m over:

Paid parental leave

Nice idea, but apart from the equity argument, it risks setting up work environments that will actively discriminate against employing fertile young women. Why is nobody talking about this?  Is this political correctness gone awry, and yet another one of those large, four legged, leathery, grey objects we don’t mention?

The Daily Telegraph

But I’ve been over them for years so that’s nothing new. I don’t read it, I don’t buy it. I recognised in the early 80’s when they absolutely unfairly demonised Mount Druitt High School that it was and continues to be a suitable wrapper for food scraps and wet plant cuttings and that’s about it. I just can’t avoid it’s inanity being covered by the ABC and The Project.

Zed

I can’t believe he has his little garden staked signs peppering the Monaro Highway, Athlon Drive, the Parkway etc, when he went to the ACT election vowing and declaring he would work for  four years for the southern valley of Canberra and lasted for the blink of an eye before ripping the carpet from a long standing and respected senator, donning his fez and flying off for much greener pastures.  And if that’s not enough, the original signs which were formatted similarly to other candidates have popped up babies that simply say ZED. What more to say?

But at least we are getting some light moments:

I haven’t spotted, but I have had described, that beside the signs in Tuggeranong is: Vote1 (insert name of restaurant) with the slogan: Left wing, Right wing, chicken wing.  

And the youtube insights into the inner sanctum of Parliament house with its undie ironing, and  lasso twirling was a hoot. Go Bobbie and Robbie - or should that be Bobbie and Laurie- now I'm showing my age.

I do need to report that still, nobody has polled me. You would think that with all the polling that is being reported on a daily basis I should have fluked at least one call – even the random generator doesn’t value my opinion. However, if I believe my blog statistic counter on Google there are heaps of you in Russia and Latvia who do. Thanks.

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This week's Art Work

One for the Russians

Tea at St Basil's

Zip it

I’ve gone off the election with is suppository of knowledge, its Daggy dad statements, baby kissing, factory swanning, creation of new countries and reinventions of Judaism. 

 But I do like The Roast. I can get a snappy take on the day’s events with a good smattering of ironic joviality without the turgid trawling over minutiae from the regular media.  

Does that mean I am becoming one of the Twitterati with an attention span of 140 characters?

A fresh approach is always good and they say everything comes back, but it comes back different. So I have a suggestion. Could we cover the election through a series of Dorothy Dix letters?

Here are a couple to start: 

Dear Dorothy

 I am thinking of planning and overseas holiday and have run in to trouble.

 I have been trying to find the airline that flies into Islam, but agents look at me in confusion and the Virgin  and Qantas sites just crash and can’t answer the question.

Signed

Please explain

xxxxx

 One Nation Candidate :)

Dear Dorothy

 Can you tell me the six points of our Liberal party six point plan for fixing Australia. I seem to have forgotten them.

Signed

Bunny in the headlights

Liberal Candidate, Greenway

Dear Dorothy

I can't understand why the nation is not fascinated with my Titanic vision, and won't come on board. The electorate is decidedly icy. Can you help me swim against the tide?

Signed

Looking forward, looking back

Palmer United Party

Dear Dorothy

If I continue to say Stop the Boats will it become a self-fulfilling policy? I have expanded my repertoire to include: And the Boats will stop, and promised to cut the number of arrivals to three shortly after my imminent election. Should I be nervous?

Signed

Sex appeal in speedos

Liberal Annointed

Dear Dorothy

Is it negative to be positive?

Gotta zip

Signed

Ever the optimist

Labor Hopeful

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This week's art work

Depends on your perspective 

Small rocks. Acrylic, thread and fishing flies on paper