Highlight: Delete

I’ve said before that I love technology. But it does develop in one a sense of dissatisfaction. I have come to wish that real life had a cut and paste, and a highlight/delete function. 

This year is the Centenary of Canberra. One hundred years ago some bright spark/s had the idea that a capital city where the air was crisp and cold would keep the brain cells working and innovative ideas would generate. The same genii failed to register that in addition to the  winter’s frost bite mornings and fogged in airports,  January and February  bring blistering, blob inducing  30+ days with extreme winds; brittle, bursting to ignite bush; and  thunderous electrical storm that when not lighting up and felling eucalypts, are generally causing mayhem and calls outs for emergency services. Not to mention the droughts in between.

So I propose cutting and pasting the national Capital into a more moderate climate - somewhere around Coffs Harbour would be good.  By and large the effects will be positive. That tan bark that has been talked about in recent days as contributing to the embers that caused the loss of property in the 2003 firestorm will be redundant in a climate that grows green grass all year round. The 40 degree afternoons will be replaced by a southerly rolling up the coast after we’ve all been able to have a leisurely blue-green algae free dip at lunchtime with and a Barbeque minus pesky flies. We’ll make a greater contribution to reducing carbon , no longer needing to crank up the heating in winter and the air con in summer. And a drought will last only six weeks.

Naturally there will be some downsides: it will take longer to drive to Sydney or fly to Melbourne; you will have to forgo the crisp early morning winter walk for a meander along the beachfront; there will be no four seasons and the colours it brings; the economy will suffer as the need for heavy coats, boots, scarves and dressing gowns will significantly decrease.

But,  despite the fact that I will no longer be able to grow roses, I’m all for it.

This week I’ve been in the sweat shop again bringing into being the design visions of my daughter – an amazing disposable shopping bag outfit, additions to a Rambo costume for a fancy dress party, and a number of recycled fabric table runners for our markets soirées. Being able to highlight and delete unwanted stitching associated with these tasks would end a whole lot of unnecessary air pollution as I loudly explete my unpicking frustrations. 

I’m desperate to highlight and delete the introduced ‘e’ that has crept in to many an ABC  broadcast journalist’s pronunciation. It’s known, not knowEn

 But don’t let me get started down that track.

My trip to the local shopping mall today reminded me that I could do us all a service with these new found tools and highlight/delete:  all the twee Australian flags that hang off the sides of utes and cover the reversing mirrors of patriots; reindeer antlers that do the same during the festive season; and the viral white family stickers that blare out to the world that you have a wife, three children, a dog, a cat, and a surfboard.  I’ll leave the ones that indicate you are a skateboard riding, tattooed graffiti artist with anarchist intent.

Despite knowing things grow much bigger than one imagines when they are planted as seedlings, I am still prone to over-plant my garden because I want instant cover.  I’d like to be able to cut and paste some of the plants that are now too big for their space/are overshadowing others/ have been planted in the wrong place and fill up the blanks left by others that haven’t lived up to my expectations by being magnificent botanical grade specimen s with minimal attention. In the same vein, I’d like to copy and paste a new extension out the back and not disturb the garden in any way. 

And really, if we are going to get the cut and paste and highlight delete functions, why not go for the  Photoshop tool that would plug in to my bathroom powerpoint like my hairdryer, and that will permanently waft away unwanted lines/ blemishes/ flab and greyness.

OK…I’m starting to get ridiculous…. I’ll settle for being able to cut and paste myself from here to Singapore on Tuesday so I don’t have to sit through the flight.

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This week's art works

Another few hours playing with tea - taking inspiration from Major Pettigrew's Last Stand that I have been reading this week.

Darjeeling Darling