Drawing a line

I live in a city that has injected funds into public art- albeit that the policy is coming to an end. 

Like everything that happens in a public space, everyone had an opinion about it. I’m not so sure about the gigantic owl that appeared in Belconnen only to have to be taken down shortly after for repairs as the coating was peeling.  But I love the controversial pile of rocks and logs that is growing in to the landscape on the verge of the never ending saga of Ginninderra Drive.

One of the suburban shopping centres nearby has a flock of metal mesh sheep who graze away with great consistency on the adjacent slopes. People express their approval of the benign creatures at  Christmas by draping them with tinsel. They don’t seem to mind.

Some time back a couple with land around Lake George installed gigantic animals in their paddock. They were a delight for motorists until a would-be art critic smashed them to pieces.

When I visited Egypt eons ago I was fascinated with the graffiti that had been left by centuries of tourists, travellers and invaders. 

Commenting on public art is nothing new.

But I draw the line at appreciating a badly drawn dick and balls on the giant orange moth on the Tuggeranong Parkway.

Maybe that comes from my experience as an art teacher. Badly drawn anything gets up my nose.

The thing is, adolescence has a bad habit of injecting in youth a fascination for male genitalia and female breasts, and an uncontrollable desire to describe representations of them in paint, texta and clay.

I often fantasised about the comments I might write on bad artwork had I not been contained by the need to keep my job by displaying restraint and decorum. 

I have clear recollections of examples of student work which deserved the following remarks:

·         If you have any visions of becoming and artist or an anarchist give them up. You have neither the talent nor the wit for either. I suggest you talk to the Careers Advisor and peruse the list of possible careers starting at B.

·         Derivative, mundane and bland – look up these words

·         50% of the population has/had/will have an ejaculating penis. The other half have or will see one.  What would be interesting would be to see a piece of work without one.

·         While puberty is a novelty for you, I get to experience it every year. There is no illustration of a male appendage that I have not seen before. Look up Juan Davila

·         If I see another badly drawn unicorn or fairy I swear I will poke my eyes out with a bodkin. Just because they are imaginary does not mean they do not follow the laws of anatomy. Look up Bodkin.

·         If you do manage to achieve your dream of becoming a tattoo artist, do not do dolphins. They deserve respect.  Read So Long and Thanks for all the Fish.

I’m thinking of becoming a vigilante critic. I will sneak around at night with my red texta putting marks out of 10 on public graffiti while writing my comments for the vandals’ education and my own edification. 

All I have to do is decide what colour undies to wear over my tights.

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 Art work of the week 

Writing on one's own art work doesn't constitute graffiti

Hitchiker's Breakfast. Acrylic on paper. 500x350mm