I’ve been tolled

 And, now to get your mind off the election and on to things that matter. 

Before you get excited looking at the title of this blog, that’s not a misprint – tolled: Yes, polled: No

A few weeks ago I did a trip to Sydney for a book launch. Now I’m paying for it. 

I go to/ through Sydney intermittently. I have an account with one tolling company that owns Sydney Roads, but obviously not with the 10,000  others that do – OK, I suppose that is an over exaggeration, but if you could see the number of notices that have landed in my mail box since the trip you would understand.

Here’s how the trip went:

 Day 1.

• ·         Canberra to Paddington
• ·         Paddington to the Hills district

Day 2.

• ·         Hills District to Brighton le Sands; and
• ·         Brighton le Sands to Canberra.

 I tried to contact Roam Express via their website the day after the trips to pay my toll.Their billboards said I could. But, either you cannot do it online, or the link is so obscure you need a higher degree in Information Surgery of the cunning of a hacker, to be able to get access.

Anyway, I used the ‘contact us’ button eventually, telling them I was trying to pay my toll, that I could not find any toll owing, and that I did not want to be charged an administration fee if a toll notice turned up thereafter. So, now there are seven separate notices from Roam Express for the two trips – each with a $10 administration fee.

I’ve sent them all back with a cheque for $19:70. That’s what the tolls were!

I failed to realise that Roam Express doesn’t do the tolls for the M5, nor for the Sydney Harbour Tunnel…that belongs to two other someones, so I’m still up for more tolls worth a total of $7:40 with a bill for $20 administration fee..

I don’t mind paying a toll, but I do mind being absolutely ripped off…and don’t get me started on what they do if you forget to pay.

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Art Work of the week
Just a random selection from the gallery today

Coffs Lillies. Acrylic on Canvas.

Media Blockout

I have torn out my fingernails, stapled my eyelids together and stuffed my ears with peanuts, but I can’t keep the static out. I will be so pleased that next week will bring an end to the polling, the speculation, and the endless dissections; if not to the entertainment that will arrive if indeed Tony is let loose and we are ricochet back in time.

Now everyone knows I’m not averse to time travel and that a good TARDIS  could pop up in my front garden anytime it likes – provided of course that it is still being piloted by David Tennant and has Capt’n Jack Harkness on board. I keep looking for the rift in time to appear on my wall, but have to really concede that the crack in the lounge room really means I have to get someone in to look at a mundane problem that will cost me a motza..........................  I’m off the track again.

Oh yes….Back to the Future….but alas, I fear it will be Back to the Past, and I just never looked good in shoulder pads and frizzy hair.

Given it’s election eve, I’m wondering if tomorrow at the ballot box I will get a surprise that some vertically challenged little fellow from a far away northern place has tinkered away at. Oops I hope it’s not another fantasy dinosaur or titanic replica . 

I think I need an escape plan, so it’s off to Norfolk Island for me.

PS: I still haven’t been polled!

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Art work of the week

The tea cosies just keep on coming - at least they will fit in a new retro world

Cumquat juice

Ineligible to vote

So here’s this week’s joke. I get an email asking me to take part in a survey. If I complete it I will earn $1. Ooh I wonder, what might I spend my hard earned dollar on – maybe an onion or a carrot might be nice.  

My answers to the first few questions will determine my eligibility.

I click my residential state, my age, my gender, and get to question 4: What medical conditions do you have? 

 I answer: None of the above.

Result: I am not eligible to take part in the survey. 

And poof, there go my dreams of a fresh new vegetable.

In the meantime I watched the presidential public forum broadcast between Krudd and Blabbot  until my eyeballs popped out and my brain exploded through my ears, and I switched over to Spicks and Specks. At least the answers there were fun and entertaining – as were the questions. And there was no wavy line that went predictably up and down to record whether I liked what I was hearing regardless of whether anyone was actually speaking at the time - or what they said.

I am still befuddled by how you can promise to create more jobs while announcing you will take your trusty little hatchet to the public service where real people, do daily grind, at the behest of politicians and managers with ever-changing new vision and are now told thanks for nothing, you’re just a bludger,  and join the dole queue. Should have got a job at the Cadbury factory.

Equally I wonder if I will get my relationship voucher, given I am not engaged, married, one of a gay couple or in a de facto relationship. And if I do get it, will it pay my rego to a Hash House Harrier event where all my worries fade away with a bit of dribbly conversation, a glass of bubbles, and a load of sheep dung?

At least the magpies are firing at the moment.

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Art Work of the Week

Go you Pie boys!

Tea with Daisy

Zip it

I’ve gone off the election with is suppository of knowledge, its Daggy dad statements, baby kissing, factory swanning, creation of new countries and reinventions of Judaism. 

 But I do like The Roast. I can get a snappy take on the day’s events with a good smattering of ironic joviality without the turgid trawling over minutiae from the regular media.  

Does that mean I am becoming one of the Twitterati with an attention span of 140 characters?

A fresh approach is always good and they say everything comes back, but it comes back different. So I have a suggestion. Could we cover the election through a series of Dorothy Dix letters?

Here are a couple to start: 

Dear Dorothy

 I am thinking of planning and overseas holiday and have run in to trouble.

 I have been trying to find the airline that flies into Islam, but agents look at me in confusion and the Virgin  and Qantas sites just crash and can’t answer the question.

Signed

Please explain

xxxxx

 One Nation Candidate :)

Dear Dorothy

 Can you tell me the six points of our Liberal party six point plan for fixing Australia. I seem to have forgotten them.

Signed

Bunny in the headlights

Liberal Candidate, Greenway

Dear Dorothy

I can't understand why the nation is not fascinated with my Titanic vision, and won't come on board. The electorate is decidedly icy. Can you help me swim against the tide?

Signed

Looking forward, looking back

Palmer United Party

Dear Dorothy

If I continue to say Stop the Boats will it become a self-fulfilling policy? I have expanded my repertoire to include: And the Boats will stop, and promised to cut the number of arrivals to three shortly after my imminent election. Should I be nervous?

Signed

Sex appeal in speedos

Liberal Annointed

Dear Dorothy

Is it negative to be positive?

Gotta zip

Signed

Ever the optimist

Labor Hopeful

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This week's art work

Depends on your perspective 

Small rocks. Acrylic, thread and fishing flies on paper

Nobody has polled me either, still....

So, we come to the end of another week of living in the electorate of Greenway, and the end of another disappointing week in terms of pollies visiting our house. Total count still equals zero. They seem to have deserted the local area, even Mr Diaz was last seen ‘campaigning’ in the Penrith area. Poor fellow, still doesn’t appear to have come to terms with the other five points.

I feel a bit sorry for our local Greens candidate, I followed his Twitter account, and within one day his account was hacked and it started sending spam messages to his followers. Not a good start to engaging with the voters.

Michelle Rowland has sent a petition about not selling off local services, not sure how that relates to her policies or what she would do if she was elected, maybe she’s done the calculations and is starting to lobby the libs for our local services now rather than having to do so in a few weeks time? By contrast the M2 and local roads have had gigantic billboards installed that are plastered with Kevin Rudd’s face and election promises. This year more than ever it’s a presidential style campaign – not too many showings of the local candidates, but a big focus on the leader. And I guess after Mr Diaz’s go at campaigning, it might not be a bad idea to just focus on the leader...Yes, let’s focus on the leaders shall we..

Mr Creepy, as I am affectionately now calling him, received a tweet from me this week suggesting he should stop kissing random women. What’s wrong with a handshake good man! Being creepy is not having a dad moment. A dad moment is when you’re driving past the cemetery and your father says “look, that must be the most popular place in town, everyone’s dying to get in”, or when asked what’s on telly tonight he would once say “by the looks of it a pot plant and a book”. As a side note, it is a shame now days that that joke shows your age, there’s not much room on the top of your average flat screen telly for anything substantial. That’s why we have ensured at our place there are two smurfs, gargamel, a black pirate duck and a black sheep. That way when asked “what’s on telly tonight”, my partner can say a “black sheep”, I can groan, roll my eyes, and an Australian tradition can be upheld! But I digress into a post for another day about the loss of history and tradition from the Australian culture, or do I...

Speaking of those who live in the sentimental past, in the mail yesterday was the CD and promotional material for Clive Palmer’s party the Palmer United Party (or pup as I like to call it). On the CD are two speeches and his TV ads, but also a weird 15 minute quasi documentary on Clive’s building of the Titanic II. I’d have been more impressed with some dinosaurs on the CD, but the Titanic II story was certainly a new twist on sharing a vision of Australia with the local electorate.  I guess you have to look backwards to look forwards, or something, I didn’t quite see what metaphor he was trying to draw. As I said, dinosaurs would have probably illustrated it better for me. Clive admits he follows the liberal party politics, but he also has a cunningly numbered six point plan. What struck me most about the plan was his thinking on asylum seekers. Here was a man who at least appeared to have thought about the humanity of seeking asylum and was proposing a different, and more compassionate solution. It may not be entirely workable, but the idea of the fast processing of claims, keeping families together and not locking people up who have had a terrible time of it already is more closely aligned to my values than either the current cruel Liberal or Labor parties policies.

However, my misfortune of living in this electorate means I need to really consider my vote. Sure, voting for Clive might be fun, or a bit of a lark. A vote for the Shooters and Fishers might send a signal to Canberra, but I really doubt it.  I am left considering my options still for both the Senate and the House of Reps....but in reality, I know who I will probably end up voting for, it’s just that I probably won’t like it very much.