Don’t even think about buying me a bidet for my Birthday

I have the best hairdresser in the world. I walk in, he transforms me from frumpy grey-rooted granny to funky fashion goddess – well, I may be exaggerating.

 He asks:

 What we are doing today.

I respond:

Whatever you like. 

He knows I want to be able to see that my hair has been coloured and primped. On any visit I can come out with highlights/streaks/foils of anything from vibrant reds and purples to ginger or blonde.

You can tell me I’m too old for that stuff, but I say: Bah! Humbug! 

And the champagne that comes with the cutting and styling is much better than the crappy machine coffee that I used to get at the local shop down the road.  I lay back in the massage chair and drift away.  Gosssip costs me, but it’s worth it.

This is where I also get my bi-monthly dose of trash. I flick through the salon magazines looking at glamorous apparently famous people, their bouncing babies, bodacious beaus, tantalising toyboys, sizzling six packs, nauseating nips and tucks, botoxed face masks,  beestung  lips, bazookered breasts, booty blow outs and six foot handbags/manbags.

I know that nothing I read or see here is remotely true. It’s fantasy land in glitzy gowns set in glamorous gardens.

But today I found a rogue magazine that had sneaked in to the pile.  It has an article that takes the cake.

It’s headed The BEST present ever and I quote Sylvia Ross’ words:

Usually every mother’s day my children buy me stockings or pillows, but this year they surprised me totally. I came home and found that they had changed my toilet seat…..I simply press a button and I get a warm water wash and a warm air dry. Now my toileting is a time of luxury, it is the best mother’s day present I have every got.

If I started to tell you how I would rather my nether parts were warmed, this post would be x- rated.

It’s my Birthday this week and if anyone changes my toilet seat for one that washes and dries they can expect to be told to bugger off.

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This week's art works

These are details from a series of drawings related to a number of months in 2011.

If I did one for this month it would have the champagne bottles for celebrations and commiserations.

A Few Days in March

A Few Days In July

  The original drawings can be seen in full at:

http://www.thickerthanwater.com.au/index.php?option=com_zoo&task=category&category_id=3&Itemid=223&page=3